As of today, well more like tomorrow, I'll be moving to a new address. It hasn't gone as smoothly as I would've liked. But then nothing ever does.
The new site is looking pretty good and it does a lot more of the things I'd like it to. The address just isn't active yet.
But soon. Like tomorrow. I hope.
http://www.sex-lies-dating.com
or you can subscribe to the new feed
http://www.sex-lies-dating.com/posts/feed
It's almost the same. Just no blogspot.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
What's Wrong With Me?
Now don't everybody shout out their answers at once.
I have a date in a few hours. Not with Mr. Potential. A first date with someone I met online a week or so ago. I am ambivalent about it. I'd like it to go well, of course. Sure I would. I think.
Yesterday Mr. Potential was home recovering from a minor thing, not sick exactly, but not well (this is where this personal/private issue just becomes weird). I told him to holler if he needed anything. It was a genuine offer. He replied that he might holler just to get some TLC. And so I offered to provide that, too. Whether or not he needed it.
He never asked and so I didn't go rushing over to his apartment.
He was absolutely right to not ask me to come over. We just saw each other a few days ago and have plans for tomorrow. We are still getting to know one another. At this stage we should be seeing each other no more than twice a week. That's the smart way to handle things.
But I am used to men coming into my life and demanding that I drop everything for them. Who want to see me more than that. Who expect me to be at their beck and call. And I'm not going to lie. There is something really comforting about that. The intensity of it. The "I must have you" feeling you get when someone calls you and asks you to drop whatever you're doing because they need you (and sometimes it's not even about sex).
But it's not healthy. No, it's not healthy.
So the fact that Mr. Potential didn't ask me to reschedule my day yesterday so that I could come provide him with TLC, it was disconcerting. I knew it was smart and sane and the right way for us to proceed with this relationship. But a part of me thought, gee, maybe he's just not into me.
Even though he texted several times. Yesterday and today.
And so he and I will get to know each other better, slowly but surely. Like grown-ups do. And I will continue to date. Because that's what I do. I hedge my bets.
Ugh. Maybe I should just cancel and go out and buy myself some pie. A great big slice of pumpkin pie. Mmmm.
I have a date in a few hours. Not with Mr. Potential. A first date with someone I met online a week or so ago. I am ambivalent about it. I'd like it to go well, of course. Sure I would. I think.
Yesterday Mr. Potential was home recovering from a minor thing, not sick exactly, but not well (this is where this personal/private issue just becomes weird). I told him to holler if he needed anything. It was a genuine offer. He replied that he might holler just to get some TLC. And so I offered to provide that, too. Whether or not he needed it.
He never asked and so I didn't go rushing over to his apartment.
He was absolutely right to not ask me to come over. We just saw each other a few days ago and have plans for tomorrow. We are still getting to know one another. At this stage we should be seeing each other no more than twice a week. That's the smart way to handle things.
But I am used to men coming into my life and demanding that I drop everything for them. Who want to see me more than that. Who expect me to be at their beck and call. And I'm not going to lie. There is something really comforting about that. The intensity of it. The "I must have you" feeling you get when someone calls you and asks you to drop whatever you're doing because they need you (and sometimes it's not even about sex).
But it's not healthy. No, it's not healthy.
So the fact that Mr. Potential didn't ask me to reschedule my day yesterday so that I could come provide him with TLC, it was disconcerting. I knew it was smart and sane and the right way for us to proceed with this relationship. But a part of me thought, gee, maybe he's just not into me.
Even though he texted several times. Yesterday and today.
And so he and I will get to know each other better, slowly but surely. Like grown-ups do. And I will continue to date. Because that's what I do. I hedge my bets.
Ugh. Maybe I should just cancel and go out and buy myself some pie. A great big slice of pumpkin pie. Mmmm.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Bitter
I try to politely let guys down when I'm not interested in them. I think it's kind of rude to just stop answering emails or to not return phone calls.
There are times when this policy falls by the wayside. If someone's been rude or nasty to me, or just unpleasant, well, I might be less likely to follow through. I know that's kind of pathetic. I should treat everyone the way I'd like to be treated. That's the way I try to live. Try that for a dating rule - just treat your dates the way you'd like to be treated. How novel.
Just to be clear, this only applies to guys I've actually met. Not the guys I meet online and then never meet for one reason or another.
Anyway, a few months ago I sent someone what I thought was a polite, "no thank you" email. I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. And frankly, he'd been a jerk to me. Most women would've just blown him off. But I tried to end things politely. That's just me.
He replied with a pretty vicious email. It was a classic case of sour grapes. He said I was a bitter, old, lonely woman and no one would ever want me. Or something like that. I didn't save the email.
I didn't take him seriously, because I knew that what he said wasn't true. I'm not bitter (lonely and old, well...). I know what bitter feels like. I've felt it in the past. I hope to never feel it again, but I know that I'm not immune.
Earlier this evening, Getting Single mentioned on Twitter that she had a friend who's been single for 8 months who has fallen into the 'bitter single category'. I feel for that friend. Bitter is a bad place to be and hard place to get out of.
I don't want to dwell, though. This isn't one of those posts. Yeah, sometimes life sucks and it can be hard to not internalize it all. And then the smart people in the world find something that reminds them that life doesn't actually suck. Not all the time. And we move on. We get out of the bitter place.
Today's Song of the Day is Bitter, by Jill Sobule, btw.
There are times when this policy falls by the wayside. If someone's been rude or nasty to me, or just unpleasant, well, I might be less likely to follow through. I know that's kind of pathetic. I should treat everyone the way I'd like to be treated. That's the way I try to live. Try that for a dating rule - just treat your dates the way you'd like to be treated. How novel.
Just to be clear, this only applies to guys I've actually met. Not the guys I meet online and then never meet for one reason or another.
Anyway, a few months ago I sent someone what I thought was a polite, "no thank you" email. I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. And frankly, he'd been a jerk to me. Most women would've just blown him off. But I tried to end things politely. That's just me.
He replied with a pretty vicious email. It was a classic case of sour grapes. He said I was a bitter, old, lonely woman and no one would ever want me. Or something like that. I didn't save the email.
I didn't take him seriously, because I knew that what he said wasn't true. I'm not bitter (lonely and old, well...). I know what bitter feels like. I've felt it in the past. I hope to never feel it again, but I know that I'm not immune.
Earlier this evening, Getting Single mentioned on Twitter that she had a friend who's been single for 8 months who has fallen into the 'bitter single category'. I feel for that friend. Bitter is a bad place to be and hard place to get out of.
I don't want to dwell, though. This isn't one of those posts. Yeah, sometimes life sucks and it can be hard to not internalize it all. And then the smart people in the world find something that reminds them that life doesn't actually suck. Not all the time. And we move on. We get out of the bitter place.
Today's Song of the Day is Bitter, by Jill Sobule, btw.
A Little Self Promotion (Just a Little)
Wow, thank you all for the amazing comments on yesterday's posts. My inbox has been filling up all morning/afternoon. I'll get around to answering your comments sometime later today (just as soon as I can - promise).
I just wanted to take a minute for some shameless self promotion. Please take a minute, if you are enjoying this blog, to use the little widget on the right to let the world know that you like it. Please Digg me or add me to your technorati faves or stumble me (or whatever, you know what I'm getting at).
And, as you can see, I've made it easier for you to subscribe to this blog. I hadn't realized how difficult it was before until someone pointed it out to me. Sorry about that. Now all you need to do is put your email address in that little box on the right, just below the Song of the Day.
Thanks everyone. Your support means a lot. 2008 has not shaped up to be the easiest year of my life, and this blog has added a surprising lift to it.
I just wanted to take a minute for some shameless self promotion. Please take a minute, if you are enjoying this blog, to use the little widget on the right to let the world know that you like it. Please Digg me or add me to your technorati faves or stumble me (or whatever, you know what I'm getting at).
And, as you can see, I've made it easier for you to subscribe to this blog. I hadn't realized how difficult it was before until someone pointed it out to me. Sorry about that. Now all you need to do is put your email address in that little box on the right, just below the Song of the Day.
Thanks everyone. Your support means a lot. 2008 has not shaped up to be the easiest year of my life, and this blog has added a surprising lift to it.
Monday, December 1, 2008
December 1st is World AIDS Day
I could sit here and write my own post about how important it is to recognize this day. I write openly about the fact that I am sexually active, and so therefore this is an issue that affects me.
However, I just read a great post over on 20/40.com on this topic, and so I will defer to that.
I just have a couple of things to add, from my own, personal perspective. HIV and AIDS are real. I happen to live in a reality with many people who struggle daily to live full, happy lives with the virus. It's possible to do that now, thank goodness.
There are people, though, who have become complacent. Who don't use condoms 100% of the time. Who forget how many people have died and how many others people are infected each year. Maybe it's an age thing. I was already a sexual teenager when AIDS first hit the newspapers. It was news - sex can kill. Yes, HIV is not the death sentence it once was. But it's not a joyous gift either. There's no excuse for carelessness.
However, I just read a great post over on 20/40.com on this topic, and so I will defer to that.
I just have a couple of things to add, from my own, personal perspective. HIV and AIDS are real. I happen to live in a reality with many people who struggle daily to live full, happy lives with the virus. It's possible to do that now, thank goodness.
There are people, though, who have become complacent. Who don't use condoms 100% of the time. Who forget how many people have died and how many others people are infected each year. Maybe it's an age thing. I was already a sexual teenager when AIDS first hit the newspapers. It was news - sex can kill. Yes, HIV is not the death sentence it once was. But it's not a joyous gift either. There's no excuse for carelessness.
Is This The Good Part? I Can't Remember
I had to head out of town yesterday, just a couple of hours after Mr. Potential left my apartment. We texted during the day yesterday (after he woke up from a several hour, much deserved, nap) and then again today. Today he asked , via text, if he would see me later this week and I said yes. He suggested a couple of days, I said either would work. He texted back and asked if I wanted to know the plans or if I wanted them to be a surprise. I replied, "surprise!".
This was such progress for us. He made plans without checking with me. He just went for it. This is a big turn-on for me.
And I'm so happy about it. I am. We are well on our well to bf/gf couples happiness land.
Except, of course, that I am me. And while I am happy (really happy, no joke) I have all of these little voices of doubt that won't stop whispering in my ear.
I've been here before. So many times. It's going to take weeks, months really, until I find out if the person I think I know is the real guy. He could just be putting on an act. He could be telling me everything he thinks I want to hear, all of the time. I don't think so. But I've thought that before, too.
And there's just the whole getting to know each other better thing. What if he gets to know me better and realizes, "holy shit", there are parts to her that I don't want anything to do with. I am who I am. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not. I do take a while to unveil some layers, however. And there might be some layers he can't handle. And if that happens, that happens.
So right now I am trying to balance being happy with where I am (it's new and fun and I want it to grow into more) with being scared to death that it's all going to go wrong.
I can't remember, is this the good part of dating?
This was such progress for us. He made plans without checking with me. He just went for it. This is a big turn-on for me.
And I'm so happy about it. I am. We are well on our well to bf/gf couples happiness land.
Except, of course, that I am me. And while I am happy (really happy, no joke) I have all of these little voices of doubt that won't stop whispering in my ear.
I've been here before. So many times. It's going to take weeks, months really, until I find out if the person I think I know is the real guy. He could just be putting on an act. He could be telling me everything he thinks I want to hear, all of the time. I don't think so. But I've thought that before, too.
And there's just the whole getting to know each other better thing. What if he gets to know me better and realizes, "holy shit", there are parts to her that I don't want anything to do with. I am who I am. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not. I do take a while to unveil some layers, however. And there might be some layers he can't handle. And if that happens, that happens.
So right now I am trying to balance being happy with where I am (it's new and fun and I want it to grow into more) with being scared to death that it's all going to go wrong.
I can't remember, is this the good part of dating?
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